1. I'm a dirty old bald guy. Accept it. I have, in fact i'm embracing it now as i've worked toward this moment my whole life.2.I fart when i cum. Its like a rodeo, when a cowboy is on a bull the buzzer sounds after 8 seconds. This lets the bull know that he is through and the cowboy that he must dismount as the ride is over. I will cum and fart and then make a fancy dismount. I may keep pumping though..3. I like to drink and have weird sex. Sometimes i'm drunk enough i just think i had sex. That works too.4. If you leave your lingerie laying around I will try it on and look damn sexy in it...damn sexy. There is nothing sexier than a drunk guy dressed in women's lingerie. For you smart asses who reply that they dont' wear underwear... I look just as good in your stockings, garter, etc.. Please, no granny panties...they make my butt look big.5. I like to play in Houston and Dallas..travel.hope you found some of this funny...hope the fake profiles find it funny too.